DIY Message Boards
Dear Spammers

This topic can be found at:
http://boards.diynetwork.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/9221916776/m/7413964177

Jun 19, 2013, 05:21 AM
Jaybee
Dear Spammers
Welcome to the DIY site. As you may have already noticed, ANYONE can post here. To make your spamming experience more satisfying, you may want to note a few things:

1. Try to stay on topic. Case in point the 'roofing' post that is used to promote a link to a bricklaying site? Remember that your goal here is to get users to click on the links, not just stare at their computer screen shaking their heads in wonder.
2. Maybe a little research. Again, referencing the below 'roofing' post: "white" tile? "cool" color? If we are going to go to all the trouble to click on your highlighted links, at least make an honest effort here.
3. Language of English is much good here to use - maybe you could find a helpful second grader to proofread your posts.
4. What's with these 2-name handles? News flash for ya - People use a screen name in an effort to conceal their identity. Making up a screen name that is "Lastname/Firstname" pretty much screams SPAMMER!
5. Post count - Take a look at your last post. (Oh go ahead, WE clicked on it - what are you afraid of? Spam?). Way down there on the bottom (right next to where it says that you joined the site yesterday) you'll see a post counter. If it is a single digit and the post contains a highlighted link then it's like a flashing neon light that says, " SPAM, SPAM, SPAM"
5A - We've noticed that some of the more clever spammers have figured out the low post count thing. However, your method to become 'legitimate' is to post numerous inane responses to many different threads. I'll clue you in here: After you make a couple dozen such posts, we don't think you are a legitimate poster, we think you are an idiot.
6. On topic (again) - Try to put your spam in the correct topic area. I've seen chandelier links in the plumbing section, flooring links in the bath section and electrical generator links just about everywhere (a round of applause for the generator guy - no one has outed themselves as a spammer quicker and more efficiently than this guy).
7. Remember your goal - Stay on point here: you...are...trying...to...get...us...to... click....on.....your....link. I find this approach of "HeyI'mASpammerAndIWantYouToClickOnTheLinkBelow" to be really confusing. I mean, I know I'm supposed to click the link, but there you are just about shouting out that you're going to spam me if I do. It's so confusing I just panic and chill out at Wimp.com for a while.
8. Humor - On the plus side, I've noticed lately that all of you (or both of you)(or maybe it's just 'you') have made great strides at incorporating humor in your spam. Bravo! Keep up the good work! At times I find myself laughing so hard that I accidentally click on your link.

Welcome to the DIY site. If you follow this advice as well as all the other helpful words from others here, you may actually generate a few more hits on your links to enrich your pathetic little life.


Jaybee
Jun 19, 2013, 10:58 AM
swschrad
but don't count on it. Typhoid Mary, we'd like to see. spammers, not. we are seriously recruiting for the first all-spammer airborne division to airdrop into Iran to sell Bibles.


sig: if this is a new economy, how come they still want my old-fashioned money?
Jun 19, 2013, 12:15 PM
GardenSprite
Guys, very well said and very humorous.

Jaybee, may I add to your list?

9. Be sure to use multiple identities in an attempt to confuse us. You can pretend to be male or female, your choice. If you're already gender confused, it should be easy for you to play this role.

10. Use avatars of babies or children in an attempt to lure women to your posts. All is takes for us to swoon and subdue common sense is a sweet little baby face.

11. Insult women with comments about vanity and gullibility when spamming for jewelry and other nonessential items. (See the Crafts section spammers for examples).

And watch out for recruiters or you might accidentally find yourself in a parachute in a cargo plane headed for the MidEast.