HELP! We find our empty nest needing to be rehabited. Our two grandchildren will be staying with us while their mother is deployed to Afghanistan. Needless to say we don't want to completely change things but are concerned because the children, ages 3 and 4, need to feel as if this 'very adult' oriented house is their home for the 9 months to a year that they will share it. We have a guest room (9.5 x 11.5) and a room we use as an office/exercise room (9.5 x 13) that we need to figure out how to use. I've considered having both children in the same bedroom because I felt them being together would be comforting during this time and trying to "house" some toys in the office/exercise room. My mind is going crazy and since discovering this deployment will be within a month's time I need to find answers quick.

Please help. Thanks for all input and ideas, you may save me an hour or two worth of sleep by contributing some sanity in how best to make our little ones feel they're home.

Sounds fairly simple really - you already have two suitable rooms available. I agree that it would probably work best to have them in one room together so make one room their bedroom and one their playroom. Your "remodeling" can simply be furniture although you may want to change flooring depending on what is there now.

Kid sized bedroom furniture and some age appropriate wall decoration will do for the bedroom. A few cool toys and places to store them will set the tone for the playroom. Take a look at what stuff they already have and build or buy storage systems that will hold their things. This way they will be thrilled to have a new space and new things while being comforted with keeping 'their' own possessions.

Before doing your decorating, find out things like their favorite colors or things that they always wanted to have in 'their' space. Doing this will make them feel at home as soon as they move in.

Also temper your remodeling to the point of knowing that a year from now things will go back to where they were. Make any built-ins easily removable so that the change back next year is limited to simple things like repainting.

Not to be too obvious, buy why not move their own furniture in. This seems like it would be the most comforting to them. And I would put them in one room.

Long story/short answer, the kids have had to endure many moves due to mom's military assignments. They are currently in Germany and she will be going back there after her deployment to Afghanistan. It makes more sense to me to save the expense of having the military move all of their furniture and utilize some local resources. Thank you for taking the time to answer - - - I do appreciate all input to help guide me in this transition so the kids feel more secure about settling in our nest.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Jaybee:
Sounds fairly simple really - you already have two suitable rooms available. I agree that it would probably work best to have them in one room together so make one room their bedroom and one their playroom. Your "remodeling" can simply be furniture although you may want to change flooring depending on what is there now.

Kid sized bedroom furniture and some age appropriate wall decoration will do for the bedroom. A few cool toys and places to store them will set the tone for the playroom. Take a look at what stuff they already have and build or buy storage systems that will hold their things. This way they will be thrilled to have a new space and new things while being comforted with keeping 'their' own possessions.

Before doing your decorating, find out things like their favorite colors or things that they always wanted to have in 'their' space. Doing this will make them feel at home as soon as they move in.

Also temper your remodeling to the point of knowing that a year from now things will go back to where they were. Make any built-ins easily removable so that the change back next year is limited to simple things like repainting.

- - - - -

Thanks so much for your direction; I 'key-worded' some of your ideas and feel confident that your approach to the project is the way to go. I hate to admit that things have DEFINITELY changed since my own children were this age but I was amazed at how quickly my folder was filled with clever ideas that with little "real change" might work. You have a wonderful presence in your writing; I appreciated that because I felt as if I had just unloaded on a friend and their level-headed response enabled me to take a deep breath and realize beyond the forest I was looking at was actually just one tree and then another.

Thanks for your kind, calming support in helping to "feather our nest" to make it more inviting to our little ones.

You are most welcome, hope it works out OK.

BTW - a little background:

1. I am a General Contractor so my job is to find out what my clients need and then build it.

2. More importantly, I have three kids.

Deployments are tough, especially if the active duty member has to deploy and is already overseas.

I like the idea of having one room for a playroom while the two children share a room.

And if you don't have Skype yet, perhaps you and your daughter could get connected on that. Obtain each other's usernames and set a time when you can skype each other when available.

That gives the kids a chance to to talk to their mom face to face even though she's away.

what are the childrens sexs? if the same,put in the same room
if different, should they be in different rooms?
what would ms. manners say?
i agree with you-put em in the same room
but...child services does not agree

I think you've already gotten good ideas on the use of space, so I'll just offer a few more but others on supportive interaction with the children during this challenging time.

You might be able to find some furniture that can later be repurposed for your own use, such as folding bookcases. I bought some at Jo-Ann Fabrics years ago and found them to be very useful and flexible.

Besides holding children's books, they could serve as open storage for their clothes and/or toys, allowing the children to choose their daily clothes without having to go through dressers.

Mine are not as tall as these and are made of cedar:

http://www.woodworksandcrafts..../holiday/index.shtml. And they were much cheaper!

If you don't have adequate blankets, sheets, etc., take the children on a shopping trip with you (or order from a reasonably priced catalogue, let them choose their own bedding so they can feel "at home" when in bed.

Place plenty of photos of Mom near their beds, so they can see her when they awake and go to sleep.

If you quilt, make a quilt with photos of Mom. The children can feel comforted if Mom is on the quilt on their bed.

Buy some child appropriate cards that they can "sign", to the extent that children that age can write, and you can send them to Mom with updates on the children's activities and growth.

Keep a photo journal, or send photos to Mom regularly of the children and ask their mother to do the same thing, if she can do so without the children being frightened by military equipment or the harsh surroundings.

You could also keep an activity journal, accompanied by photos and descriptions of the children's play time activities, so that Mom can either see it via e-mail or read it when she returns from deployment.


I think also that some really good bonding time, particularly during the winter, will be especially cherished by everyone. Let the children help with cookie making, setting the table, etc. Even if they're too young to participate as older children might, just being needed and feeling as though they're helping will ease them into this new living arrangement.

And kudos to you and your husband for helping your daughter through a difficult deployment.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: GardenSprite,